The essential checklist for a day out with children.

Planning a day out with the kids? Are you braving the delights of a theme park, historical place of interest or other "family friendly" or even "educational" day out?  Whilst a day out may require the organisation and fine attention to detail of a military operation, our essential checklist  will ensure your day runs smoothly.

• Huge amounts of cash for over inflated entrance fees. Some bigger attractions will cost over £100 for a family of four. Tremendous. Still, the sun is out and you are determined to be GOOD parent and so you grit your teeth and........
• A fixed grin. You're going to need it. Especially when handing over aforementioned cash just to GET IN.
• A picnic. This is, of course, assuming your chosen venue lets you bring in food. Not like The Pleasurebeach in Blackpool who SEARCH YOUR BAGS to check for contraband sausage rolls. Dont bother making a gourmet al fresco delight, cheese sandwiches and crisps will do. There is a strong likely hood they wont be eaten by anyone other than you anyway.
• More huge amounts of cash for food and drinks. You may be lugging round a backpack of fruit shoots and 23 rounds of sandwiches, but the kids wont want them once they've seen the food concession. Be prepared to pay a fiver for some awful chips. Each.
• The patience of a saint. You may be queuing for some time, in baking heat, with impatient,thirsty, hungry and tired children. Remember, you're having FUN here. 
• Another huge wad of cash for tat. there's bound to be a souvenir shop, and you might as well just give them the SHIRT OFF YOUR OWN BACK NOW.
• Baby wipes. In multiple packet for wiping hands, faces, snot, and your ladygarden when you've queued for the public "conveniences" for half an hour to find they have no loo roll.
• A hip flask. For moments of stress.
• Sun cream.Sun lotion and hats. Especially necessary in abundance if you happen to be ginger, Scottish or other unfortunate. Use SPF Dufflecoat and soon you'll be able to almost tell where your white sock stops and your leg begins. Still, it's a step up from blue.
• A supermarket multi pack of bottled water. Freeze half . The frozen ones will keep the other ones cold, and you'll have paid less for six bottles than you will for one out etc. See: multipacks of crisps.
• More money for a takeaway on the way home.  After such a fun filled day, your bones will positively GLOW at the thought of cooking.
• Calamine lotion/aftersun/ paracetamol. For all the bits you missesd.
• Alcohol. Self explanatory
• A note to self: never ever do this again.

So on that note, I am off to pack the car and go to Island Farm Donkey Sanctuary Country Fair and Miniature Steam Rally in Brightwell-cumSotwell , Oxfordshire. I've actually got much higher hopes for this one than the examples I've used above, it's a great place.  There is a whole host of things that make me feel as old as visiting a Garden Centre: but I secretly enjoy them. You can't beat the adrenaline RUSH you get win when you win a dusty bottle of Blue Nun at a Tombola Stall.  There's also a Wild West re-enactment from the Portsmouth Wild West Association which I am genuinely excited to see. There's something terribly liberating about seeing grown adults play about in fancy dress, especially when  they are good at it. I'd love to have a go. (Just don't tell anyone.)